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I was grateful for the tutoring, but it was maddening seeing my friend this way. I hoped someday she could understand my position. But right now, I didn’t hold out a lot of hope. I thought about calling Pete, but I wasn’t sure what that could accomplish.Bethany did call me and ask if I could come to dinner on the 13th. I was looking forward to it. She lived in Larry’s subdivision, so I could easily bike to her house. I wouldn’t be able to stay late, but I figured that in the circumstances, dinner and some conversation with her parents afterwards would be fine.We did see each other in the halls at school and exchanged greetings, but she didn’t ever start a conversation, so I kept it at that. I wasn’t sure if I was doing the right thing, but Jennie had told me to let Bethany completely set the pace and define the relationship.I talked to Joyce and asked her if she’d like to come swimming on the 20th. She asked if we could go out one night as well. We decided on dinner in Milford on. Now the only sound in the car is the low growl of the engine and the roar of the tyres on the tarmac. She lights up a cigarette, opening the window all the way and feeling the wind on her face, hearing it swoop and whistle around her head as she drives through the night, wondering how long it will take before she feels able to go home again. She doesn’t understand why, for her, home is somewhere to run from rather than run to. Perhaps it’s the loneliness, the feeling of being trapped somewhere, alone and unwanted. Sometimes she longs to have someone to curl up on when she feels like this, a chest to fall asleep on and a strong arm to hold her safe. But out of everyone she knows and has known, there is no one she wants to be with at the moment, no one she wants to talk to, nowhere she wants to be. This makes her sad again, she longs for that sense of safety, of belonging, but even now she feels there is nowhere she can go, no one she can run to, and so she carries on moving, driving,.
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